Confessions Of An Urban Ninja

Bored Out Of My Freaking Mind

Tue, 29 Apr 2008 01:59:43 GMT

So yeah. Hi. My name is BOREDOM. I've come to take over Yang and his computer. Yang is here, sure. Somewhere in the room staring at something shiny in the corner. But since his soccer career was clipped short by the evil Dean, Mr. Fu has given in to ME. Mauahaha. I feel so lucky. It makes me giggle with gratuitous amounts of glee. >3

So, what shall be the first order of this post?

The redhead. Mr. Fu's girlfriend. Ah yes, that seems to be all he talks about, don't you think? He should get a hobby. Oh WAIT! He had a hobby! And now it's gone. Too bad, so sad. >3

I see now, this post is really all about him. This post is turning into me ranting for him. I'm not sure I like this. Not at all. Yang you clever prick: getting me to do your dirty work for you! Writing your LJ blog while you sit there looking emo in pure mental homeostasis! Well I'll defy you! That's right! I'm going to talk about ME now. Bwahahaha. Me and all my glorious....ness.

.....So yeah! Hi. My name is BOREDOM. I've come to take over Yang and his computer. Yang is here, sure. Somewhere in the room staring at something shiny in the corner. Mr. Fu has given in to ME. Mauahaha. I feel so lucky. It makes me giggle with gratuitous amounts of glee. >3

Okay I think I'm living up to my name at this point. Yang should be back to normal soon. For your sake, let's hope so. Otherwise I'll be here to STAY! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHhahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahha
hahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahahahaha
hahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahhaha!!!!

And you don't want that.

Coffee Makes Me Do More Stupid Things In Less Time

Wed, 02 Apr 2008 18:13:07 GMT

If there is anything my sister, Yin, is better at than me it's knowing things without being informed about them in any way.
I must have been walking with a little extra bounce in my step this morning because when I arrived in the Cafeteria with my coffee to start my regular morning duties both Yin and the Boss (aka Mrs. Nurse) eyed me like a bug in the soup. Their raised-eyebrow expressions and knowing smirks made me pause halfway into tying my apron on.

"What?" I asked, pretty sure I hadn't done anything wrong in the last thirty seconds of being there.

"So who is your new girlfriend?" Yin oozed I-know-it-all status from her ears.

Now -dear reader- you should know I'm not one to get embarrassed easily, but for some reason my cheeks were afraid of her and betrayed me, changing colour like I was being boiled. Or in this case: grilled.

"Who?"

I like to think I'm good at avoiding unfavorable topics by feigning stupidity.

"The super model with red hair. The girl that hangs off your arm in the halls and laughs at all your jokes. The girl you serenaded the other day over the PA system. The reason you have developed a terrible whistling habit. Your girlfriend."

Yin likes to think I'm just stupid.

"Oh her." I know what a girlfriend is.

Now I think I should mention that just because my sister appears to know everything about me, she is NOT ALWAYS RIGHT.

....Except in this case.

"You're in love with this Barbie, aren't you?" Yin rested a hand on her hip and waved a spatula at me. Nurse chuckled to herself and went back to setting dishes. I couldn't help but notice the shaking of her head as she smiled to herself in the corner.

Seeing as that didn't even occur to me, I give Yin my best mock-offended look and finished tying my apron. "You're burning the pancakes." I pointed out, taking another sip of coffee. A master of avoidance, I am.

Yin made an inhuman screeching noise and turned to rescuing the flaming batter by slamming a lid on it. I opened the windows to release the smoke before the students arrived and died of lung cancer.

"Didn't you just meet her? How long have you been dating? And why don't you tell me these things?" Questions were just rolling off her tongue now. I couldn't keep up so I said: "It's fate."

Yin wasn't having any of it. Not today. "No, it's the coffee. Has to be. You've always done stupid things under the influence of caffiene."

Now it was my turn to be offended, "What's that supposed to mean?"

Yin shrugged, "I don't like her is all. You kind of jump into things."

"You've never liked the girls I've dated."

"That's not true. I'm sure one day I'll approve of the airhead that sucks my brother's soul as he willingly gives it up to make her happy." Yin winked at me and flipped a newly poured pancake in the skillet. "Ooh! Turn this song up, Nurse! I like it!" And "Low" the latest club dance song blared from the small radio on the fridge. Yin began to dance at the stove, swaying her hips and such like she was under a strobe light and not in a school kitchen.

I have to admit I was a little stung by what she said. If anything, Yin can get under my skin. And she's had twenty years of practise so you know she's good at it.

I'm not in love with the red head. I'm not. I don't fall in love. That's so cliche! I may want to make it though....RAWR. You should see the stuff she wears! This chick is walking tempation. But yeah, I guess this journal was meant to admit I'm dating the redhead now.

And I wasn't under the influence of anything but clevage by the way. ;P

Abnormal Methods Of Aquiring The Unatainable

Sun, 23 Mar 2008 04:44:12 GMT

I know I said I'd stop writing about the nameless redhead but I have to get this off my chest or I'll die (yes, I have been known to be a bit exaggerative shut up).

She walked passed my dorm room today as I was locking up to go to the gym and we completely ran into each other AGAIN. This time I wasn't carrying anything (thank god because I'm beginning to notice she is rather clumsy) so there was no bending down or showing of cleavage. She did, however, remember my name and asked me if I would walk her down to the cafeteria.

Naturally, being the gentleman that I am, I agreed to do so and she volunteered some info about herself. (No I didn't pry! She offered the info!) Turns out she's from Connecticut, USA. That's practically New York! Awesome. So I tell her I've always wanted to go to New York and she says she's surprized I haven't been with talent like mine.

Waitaminute. Talent? It took me a minute to get what she meant by that. Turns out she knows about Do Not Touch and has been a fan of ours since our early days in high school!

Now I like to think of myself as a modest kind of guy who doesn't read into things, but when a sex flower like Jessica Rabbit shows up out of nowhere, purposely chooses a dorm in the guy's wing close to mine, and waits to bump into me in the hall, I'm thinking she wants to get with me.
But it doesn't end there, she grabs my arm and lets me lead her around the school like we're best friends. Did I mention she smells like peaches and cream? I think I have a new favorite fruit.

I wonder if flirting with my future wife is a valid excuse for skipping English? Oh man, I feel dirty....

Beautifully Ridiculous

Sun, 23 Mar 2008 03:38:02 GMT

She's staying in the guy's dorms. A girl is staying on our floor. Do you have any idea the odds of this happening?

Apparently Miss Rabbit transferred too late in the semester to find a room with another girl so somehow the Dean has agreed to let her stay with one of the guys. The lucky fuck gets to sleep across the room from her every night.

I'm not sure how I feel about this. Is it unhealthy to have such a possessive aura about me after meeting her once in the hallway?? Hell I don't even know her name! I'm getting in too deep, aren't I? Okay I'm going to stop talking about her now. On to more intersting things!

........

Did I mention she's staying in the North Wing? That's like, seconds away from me. *sideglance* Okay, okay, I'll stop now. Goodnight people.

This Dog Doesn't Bite....

Fri, 21 Mar 2008 21:26:22 GMT

Okay check it,

I am walking down the hall on the way to Business class and I am carrying a shit load of books with me (because my teacher has a book fetish and forces it on us like a new religion...) when this gorgeous redhead walks right into me looking the other way.

She looks like someone drawn up out of the ocean only missing her tail and seashells (the shells I could live without lol). So when she knocks the books right out of my hands it's like something out of a highschool soap opera. She bends down apologizing and all I can do is stare at her. Stare at her very revealing LEOPARD PRINT HALTER TOP. I'm pretty sure it was her fault my books were scattered all over the hall for other people to trample but I apologize and my face matches her hair colour at this point.

She introduced herself to me but for the life of me I can't remember her name. I'm quick like that. Names aren't important! I must tell myself when I meet new people. It's a shame I remember the names of the ugly people I meet on a daily basis...

Anyways, lets call her Jessica for now. Jessica Rabbit. It's a good name for her 'cause....damn. That girl melted the zipper on my pants.

I wonder if she's in any of my classes....?

Try Number Two

Thu, 13 Mar 2008 22:36:58 GMT

I'll be the first to admit I'm not a journal writing kind of guy. Hell I don't even like to talk. It just happens to be something I'm good at. So here goes:

I got cut from the soccer team. Can you believe that? Of course you can, you're reading a computer screen. Well I couldn't believe it. You know why I got cut? Because my sister's asshole of a boyfriend (not naming any names ALEX you INHUMAN BEAST!!!!!!!!! Oh baby, that felt good.) kept smashing my shins with his cleats every time I got near the ball. The guy's a fucking TANK! And now you're thinking, well why weren't you wearing shin pads? And I'll have to be Captain Obvious and insist: "I WAS!!" It hurt like a sonovabitch anyway! The exact same spot, over and over and OVER again. I'm surprized I'm not a fucking cripple! You should see this bruise! It's not a normal shade of purple....I think it's a tumor, really. It wouldn't suprize me if I died of a tumor in my leg now.

Now I realize getting my ass handed to me by the Hulk Hogan of soccer opponents doesn't explain my getting cut from the team:

After taking it like a man a few times over I couldn't do it anymore and I attacked him back. He ate some serious grass before Coach broke us up....lol Fills me with a slightly evil giddiness just thinking about it. If only he'd lost some teeth before he threw me back on the ground!

Needless to say, Coach saw only what he wanted to see and sent me to the Dean. The Dean-a well respected, wrinkle-free and horribly serious man- told me he had to deny me my dream sport on account of my behavior. (he said it in a much more convincing manner of course. For a moment there I actually sided against myself. Smooth bastard!) Like I initiated the incident!

And this isn't even the first time Alex has pulled shit like that! I haven't been harrassing myself for the last two weeks on account of--well nevermind.

Alex is the kind of man that you would use as a blueprint to build an idiot, but I get in shit for defending myself. Riiiight. Would it kill the universe to side with me just once? I'm not asking much here....

I'm trying damnit!

Thu, 13 Mar 2008 04:21:24 GMT

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What?

Okay I just had to get that out of my system. I'm okay now. I guess. I'll try this whole journal writing thing again tomorrow. After a few coffes. Maybe I'll make sense. No promises.